Learning to Fall
by Endless Raindrops
Summary: When Jacob realizes that his heart got broken once again, what does he do? He runs away. What happens when he comes back this time is a totally different story. Sequel to "Breathe".


**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, not the song, or the characters, just the plot and general story line. **

_Learning to Fall_

"Oh, sorry," I mumbled when I saw the two figures intertwined. I didn't want to rain on their parade, just in case they decided to take it farther. I figured that it was Edward and Bella, since all I saw was the glint of color coming from one of their heads.

Hell, I did not need to see that one, it was bad enough Blondie and Emmett would do it in my presence.

Then I did a double take, and knew I shouldn't have. It was Nessie.

It was my Nessie, kissing Nahuel. How long has this been going on? Was it since that day she found out the truth? But why? Why him?

What does he have that I don't.

I probably shouldn't have been surprised, I mean, Nessie and him are the only ones of their kind that aren't related, that we know of.

This feeling of pain was something that was familiar to me, but also that wasn't. I remember feeling pain like this for Bella, but this was a million times worse. This time, instead of my heart just getting sliced into a million pieces, this time there was lemon juice squeezed in them as well, making them burn a million times worse.

Nessie looked up at me, shocked as I had ever seen her. She looked like she was ready to cry, or was she just getting ready for me to reprimand her? Well, I wasn't going to do that, if he was what she wanted...

Nahuel, on the other hand, looked extremely pleased with himself. I wanted to smack him upside the head. His hand was dangerously low on Nessie's back, and I wanted to break that hand.

I have never wanted to fight someone as much as I did in that instant, but I knew that if I did, and if I won (which I so would) that it would break Nessie's heart. And I couldn't do that, not if that meant hurting her even though I was hurt worse than she was.

The last time that I had pain to this degree I had phased and ran away. This time the need to do just that was even more prominent. I closed the door quickly and quietly and ran out the door. I ran out of the glass wall, already quivering. This was second nature to me now.

I could hear someone try to approach me from behind, but I didn't care enough to turn around. I didn't want excuses, I didn't want explanations. The only thing that I wanted was to erase my mind and forget anything.

I would do anything to get rid of the pain that was gnawing at me. As soon as all four of my legs hit the ground I couldn't help myself. I was in the seclusion of the woods and I howled, the most painful sound that I have ever heard from myself.

It was perfectly justified, there was no reason for me not to. I continued running, not thinking, not hurting, just doing. The only thing I felt was the pull of tendon and limbs, the only thing I heard was the whistling of the wind.

It was nice for a moment, but then I remembered myself and everything came rushing back in fast forward. I remembered the first time that I had seen her face, the first time she smiled at me, our first conversation. The day I fell in love with her last summer, the way she looked when she blushed, how her eyes used to shine whenever I made her laugh.

The way her whole body shook the day she screamed at me for keeping a secret from her. The way she seemed to fade slowly as she refused to talk to me. The way she just seemed to change before my eyes and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

The way her body looked next to Nahuel's. Her lips on his. Her shocked expression when I walked in on them. Nahuel's mocking smile as he looked on my face.

I howled again as I heard her voice in the wind so I pushed myself harder than I ever had before and focused again on my burning muscles.

This is what I had been missing.

_**Today is the day,  
the worst day of my life.  
You sulk until it hurts me. **_

It's nice being alone. For once I was glad that I didn't have to deal with the pack. Normally I craved company, but it was easier not to think when you were alone.

Embry would probably try to make me feel better. Quil wouldn't say anything, he isn't very helpful at making people feel better. Leah would tell me to get over myself. And Seth would be reassuring and helpful (or at least he would try to be) and eventually it would be too much.

Because beneath everything I would have to hear the pity, and that was something that I couldn't stand. Quil was luckier than he knew, Claire was too young to break his heart.

Of course, I probably wasn't supposed to see what had happened today, they were probably going to keep it under wraps for a while before they told everyone.

Bella didn't really like him, I could tell that right off the bat. It was easy to tell, although not as easy as it had been when she was human. Edward, on the other hand, didn't really care either way. I guess Nahuel hadn't set off any hints of his 'master plan' as I liked to call it in his head. No doubt Edward would have told me something by now.

I wondered what Edward thought about everything. He probably already knew everything, he always did, but all the same I wanted his opinion. Of course, it didn't matter to me anymore, not really.

Well, it shouldn't have, anyway.

Running wasn't getting me anywhere, there was no way that I was going to be able not to remember anything.

I turned around sharply, watch the way everything blurred and turned green. Maybe, when I was back, everything would be back to normal. Maybe this was some bizarre dream or something like that. Wait, scratch that, this wasn't a dream; this was an _nightmare_, and an extremely unpleasant one at that.

I stepped on a rock, and felt it pierce my skin, and then grow out and my paw returned to its normal state quickly and easily, as if nothing at all had happened.

If only life was like that too, but, if anything else, _my _life wasn't like that. My life was never pain free and easy. I should have known that from the beginning. It's just... imprinting should have made my life easier, but I should have known that it didn't really even matter.

It's just... Nessie and I were made for each other. I imprinted on her for a reason. She was my other half, the cheese to my macaroni (Jesus, Nessie made me watch that stupid _Juno _movie forever until I finally hid it from her), the missing puzzle piece.

And for some reason I thought that he had that, but I guess I was wrong.

And it's all because of stupid Nahuel. I hated him with a passion, I could feel the heated emotion sweep through my body as soon as I thought his name, and I shuddered involuntarily. Emotions like hate weren't comfortable in wolf form.

This was all _his_ fault, I didn't blame Nessie one bit.

Of course, it takes two but Nessie was innocent in the ways of the world. She didn't really get out much, and what she knew she learned from the hundreds of movies in the Cullen's mansion. She never had that experience like the rest of us had.

_**I don't know why.  
The cost of misery is at an all-time high.  
I keep it hidden.  
Close to the surface, inside.  
**_

Of course, this whole thing was Nahuel's _plan_.

It had come into play the very first time that he had seen Nessie with me. I heard him talking about it to the Amazon, I think her name was Zafrina. Zafrina always wanted Nessie for Nahuel, she thought they would be perfect for each other.

And maybe they would be, not that I would ever admit something like that. It wouldn't be fair for me to, just because they were the same species...

But weren't we all just people? I mean, that is how I had been thinking about it for years. _I _had tried to be civil.

Okay, maybe listening behind doors isn't exactly very civil, but I had to know more about this guy, I mean if he was going to be around _my _Nessie I had to have some information. Asking any of the Cullen's would be laughable, and besides, I was sure that they didn't really know any more than I did.

I went upstairs to go get Jasper, the pack and the Cullen's were having a mock fight for fun, and I heard the two of them talking together. "Are you sure?" the Amazon asked. "Because that is not what she said in the wood."

"I'm certain of it. It's easy enough to see the bond between them. Just look at them together," Nahuel's voice was pityingly sad, but it made me laugh inwardly. I didn't like him, not even then.

"Well, there are ways to fix that. I'll just have to get her parents to help," Zafrina said primly and walked out of the room, when she saw me standing there she nodded her head in greeting and walked away.

Of course I didn't tell anyone, who would have believed me? But still, the thought hurt, but I didn't think it could happen. She still called me hers, and I was.

_Until I wasn't._

_**  
I'm learning to fall.  
I can't hardly breathe.  
When I'm going down don't worry 'bout me.  
Don't try this at home.  
**_

I couldn't forget _her_.

It was pointless to even try, maybe we should just talk about it like normal people. Have a conversation about everything and figure out where we stand. Maybe it would be easier to face her after something like that.

Maybe.

I ran faster towards the Cullen's house. Maybe she would still be there and I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore.

I could imagine the conversation now.

We would sit down and I would ask to talk to her.

She would come running in, telling me that everything was just this big, giant mistake and that in fact that I was the one that she really wanted. He was just in the way at the time. He forced himself on her. Then we could go right back to where we were before. And then happily every after. The End?

Yeah freaking right.

If Edward could be in my head right now he would laugh at me insanely, wanting to know why it mattered to me so much. I mean, it shouldn't... right?

I just wanted Nessie to be happy.

_**Pretend you don't see.  
I don't wanna know that you know it should have been me.  
**_

That's all I really wanted, right? Her happiness. She meant everything to me, she was _the one_. Nessie made me happy. If she was happy, I was happy. If she was upset, so was I. It hurt me to see her hurt, especially when I was the one who had caused her pain.

But it wasn't my intention at all. I just didn't want to hurt her, didn't want her to know the truth. I was just trying to protect her, but evidently that didn't work. Nothing seemed to anymore.

We were doing just fine without any interference from the outside world. But then again, maybe that is how it should have been from the beginning. Maybe I wasn't supposed to ever get the girl. Maybe everything with Nessie had been a lie.

Her happiness is my top priority. If anyone should be happy, it should be her.

But the sad thing is that no matter how happy I want her to be, I just always pictured myself in the equation. No one else.

I never thought about _him_ after they all left when the Volturi was defeated. I didn't care.

It's just, Nahuel and Nessie never got processed in my brain, I guess I never really put two and two together like I should have.

It's so much harder to think rationally when your in love with them.

I wish we had never gotten out of the 'older brother' stage.

If we could go back in time and think about this rationally I would have told her everything straight off the bat, no secrets. Nothing except us, and maybe right now we would be together instead of this tangled mess.

_**  
Could you be with him?  
Or was it just a lie?  
He doesn't get you like I do.  
And you don't know why.  
**_

She changed, though, ever since she exploded at me for keeping a secret from her. I didn't know why, but now I think I know why. She probably thought that she needed to change for Nahuel.

But she wouldn't need to change for me, I would except her and love her for who she was on the inside and out. I knew her better than herself, or so I had once thought.

I know that when she gets angry her voice skyrockets. I know that when she is confused her nose wrinkles and she twirls her hair around her finger when she reads a good book. Hell, I was there when she was born!

But all of a sudden these things changed and she became faded and more introverted. It was hard to watch, but even harder than normal because I knew these things were because of me.

Damn it! If he had never come here none of this wouldn't have ever happened. I wanted so badly to bite something that I could hardly keep going, but I restrained myself and slowed down as I came closer to familiar territory.

I could use some more time to think without Edward seeing into my mind and knowing everything. I didn't want to see his reaction. He would be angry that I had a part in it all, too, even if it wasn't that as big of a part as some peoples. It would still shock him.

It probably wasn't pleasant, but even though it would bring enjoyment to my day to watch Nahuel get taken down by someone other than me, I knew that Edward would be pissed at me too, something that I was sure _not _to enjoy.

Besides, I would want to be the one to kick his ass anyway. It would be fun, and I would win. I could imagine it too.

Jasper would probably laugh.

_**You change your clothes and your hair,  
but I can't change your mind.  
oh, I'm uninvited. So unrequited, now.  
**_

I couldn't believe that she didn't love me back. The thought was insane to me. I had thought that maybe everything would work out like it was supposed to. For once.

Maybe it was an insane hope, but it was a pleasant one.

It would be nice to think that she was in love with me too. In fact, the day that Nahuel came and she rejected me as her partner was going to be the day that I was going to tell her.

I had it all planned out I was going to ease into it, a chance that I didn't have with Bella. I was going to tell her on First Beach and it was going to be perfect. I was elated that day, and I couldn't wait until we got there. I was going to full out run until I smelled the vampire.

That kind of ruined my plans, but it doesn't matter now, she didn't love me and I probably just would have embarrassed myself.

_**  
I'm learning to fall.  
I can't hardly breathe.  
When I'm going down don't worry 'bout me.  
Don't try this at home.  
Pretend you don't see.  
I don't wanna know that you know it should have been me.  
**_

I felt someone phase and I bristled. Why didn't they understand that I wanted to be left alone for once? They had to know what had happened by now.

_Jacob_, Seth called out tentatively, like he really didn't want to tell me something.

_What? _I asked. I didn't feel like digging through his mind, so he had better tell me straight up what was going on. Hopefully he knew better than to drag it out.

_Nessie's gone_, he told me simply and I froze in my tracks. Gone? Since when? What happened to her? Why?

_Wait, what? _I asked, confused. I couldn't put my head around this, did she seriously leave? By herself or with someone else.

_Well,_ Seth told me, _after you left Bella and Edward decided to go hunting. When they came back no one noticed that she was gone until they found the note and saw that Bella's Lamborghini had gone missing. _

She did leave.

_Was she by herself? _I asked, fearing the answer.

_Yeah, Nahuel said she got really upset at something and just bolted._

_Did he say what about?_

_No, _Seth answered, confused at the venom in my voice, _he never really specified, and neither did the note, not really. She said not to go looking after her._

_Not to go?!?_ She must have gone insane, what was she thinking that we weren't going to go after her, of course we were, that was a no brainer. She was the most important thing in the world to me, there was no way that I was letting her go by herself, especially at this time of night.

_Seth, tell the pack that we all need to phase. _Now_! _I ordered, panicked.

I couldn't believe it, she was gone.

_**  
Words screaming in my head.  
Why did you leave?  
**_

Even though this probably made me a bad person, I didn't care. I was glad that Nessie didn't run off with Nahuel to go get eloped or something. I would almost rather her be by herself than be married to that creep.

No, I would actually rather her be with me.

I would rather her be at home, actually. I couldn't believe she had just left, that just seemed so out of character for her, I just couldn't imagine. Nessie was never one to just run away from something bad.

But, then again, nothing bad really ever happened to her, especially not something to this magnitude.

But what would she have to run away from, she was doing just fine. In fact, she should just be happy right now, even happier since I was gone and she didn't have to pretend that she was sad about my unhappiness.

She could be happy without me, obviously. I mean, if she was in love with me then everything would be different, and this wouldn't be happening right. Now.

Nahuel would be dead... I mean gone. Nahuel wouldn't be anywhere near Washington, and we would have kept on being like they were now. Everything would be going the way they should be and there wouldn't be any messes or anything of the sort.

Peace would be restored and everything would be fine. Right.

It hurt to imagine.

This day was getting worse and worse.

I couldn't keep imagining everything that could have been, if I was going to refrain from hurting myself.

_**And I can't stop dreaming.  
Watching you and him.  
**_

But I couldn't blame her from wanting to run away, though, even if to me she seemed like she had no reason to. Wasn't I doing the exact same thing? I was running away too, even though for a totally different reason.

Or so it seemed.

_**When it should have been.  
It should have been me.  
**_

When I got to the Cullen homestead Edward and Bella immediately came out to me, barely allowing me to get clothes on and phase back.

"Did you know about this?" Bella demanded at me as soon as she saw me. Edward knew the answer already, but he didn't say anything to answer his wife's question.

"No, she left after I did," I told her, ignoring Edward's look as he processed why I had left.

"Well then where do you think she is?" Bella asked, growing hysterical.

"I don't know Bella, why don't you guys show me the note?" I asked, getting impatient. Sitting around talking about it wasn't going to help anything.

_I had to leave_, the note read.

_Don't come looking after me, please, I need to do this by myself._

_I need to know that I can help myself for once._

_You might not understand, but I do._

_I love you all._

_-R_

Did she really think that was all she could leave us with; a stupid note, a missing car, and people worried out of their minds? Really?

"She used the red car, so she should be pretty easy to see from the highway, but we can't be sure, since it's night time, and she might have been gone longer than we thought," Edward's voice snapped me out of my musings.

"I'll go by the highway next to the woods," I desperately needed to see if she was okay, and if she was ever coming back home.

_To me._ That was the important thing.

"I'm sure that the pack will help," I said, looking at Quil, Leah, and Embry who had joined us, while I could see Seth circling the house. They all nodded, and Seth barked, so I assumed they were in agreement.

"We're in," Embry said, looking solemn. He had just imprinted and was probably thinking about what he would be doing if his imprint left.

"Good," I told them.

"Wait," Esme said as soon as she realized that we were all going to start talking strategy. "Why don't we all just wait it out. I mean, she did ask us not to go looking after her, after all. Why don't we just honor her wishes? It couldn't be all that bad if she needed to go away. I'm sure that she will come back. Why wouldn't she?"

She had a point, but I couldn't imagine just sitting here not doing anything while she was gone. "No," I stated. "We need to do _something_. I can't just sit here."  
"Do we even know why she left?" Carlisle asked. I wanted to roll my eyes, of course he would be on his mate's side.

But his question did have everyone stumped, since no one really knew what to begin with anyway. Except for possibly Nahuel. And myself.

I sent Nahuel a glance across the room, and he couldn't look at me in the eye, like I expected. I had been wondering where he had gone, he couldn't seriously have just ditched us, I would have killed him.

Especially since this was all his fault.

"Let's wait here for her," Bella stated. They had obviously had a discussion while I was staring daggers at Nahuel. Or they might have been going crazy, either one would have worked.

"We can't just do that!" I protested. "That's not right!"

_**  
Today is the day,  
the worst day of my life.  
**_

But, of course, like I always do, I lost. Everyone else seemed perfectly content to just sit around and wait for her, but I wanted to be out on the highway looking for her. No one would see me if I went fast enough, and no one would hit me.

But no! We have to sit and wait.

We were all in a state. I was pacing a hole in the floor; Edward and Bella were talking worriedly in a corner; Esme was cooking for the pack while Carlisle was helping her; Nahuel and Zafrina were just sitting on the couch not talking just sitting there, the weirdos; Alice was upstairs with Jasper, she had a headache. Everyone else seemed okay, except for the Blonde. For once, she and I were on the same page. We both wanted to go out there and look for her, but we couldn't.

We were pacing side by side, going the opposite way of one another. Emmett, of course, was looking out the window waiting for Nessie to show up, which she hadn't.

I would stay up all night waiting for her if that's what it takes!

Suddenly we all hear the sound of crunching gravel as a red car pulls up.

It's four o'clock in the morning.

Our necks snap up as she gets out of the car.

_**  
I'm learning to fall.  
I can't hardly breathe.  
When I'm going down don't worry 'bout me.  
Don't try this at home.  
**_

Seeing her again is harder than I thought it would be. It stings, and I want to turn away, but I'm so glad that she's home that I just want to go hug her.

But I can't. She looks slightly beaten down and tired. Her eyes are streaked with what look like tear tracks. Has she been crying? Nessie never cries. Her hair, of course, is perfect and so is everything else, except her eyes.

She looks around the room, she knows she's in trouble, and when she walks in the door everyone massacres her. The pack slip out the door, of course, while all the vampires go up to her and start hugging her.

There are several exclamations of "We were so worried!" "Don't you ever do that to us again!" and "Oh, Nessie!". Everyone looks so happy that she's back that it's amazing, it was like she was only gone for a few hours, not half a day.

I can't see her now that she's surrounded by the Cullen's, but I want to go through the throng of them and pick her up and tell her that everything is going to be all right. But I can't, because I don't think that everything is going to be all right anymore, I don't even know if anything is, to be honest. I can't lie to her.

When everyone backs off she looks startled to see me. Her eyes fill with tears again, and she reaches one hand out to me. I back up, I don't want to give her the wrong idea, and her tears spill over when her eyes are filled with hurt.

_I'm sorry!_ I want to yell, but I can't, I can't do anything. Everyone surrounds her again, trying to comfort her. Eventually it becomes too much for Nessie.

"Stop!" she screams, putting her hands on either side of herself to make them all back off. "Please, just stop it," she said in a lighter tone. "Jacob, can I speak to you? _Alone_, please?"

My eyes widened. Did I really want to hear what she was going to tell me, alone. I didn't think that it was going to be pretty, at all.

_This is bad, this is bad, this is very, very bad! _My mind screamed at me. I couldn't believe it, she wanted to talk to _me _(of all people!) alone.

She took my hand, and when I didn't pull it away she led me to the cottage. When we got to her room she locked the door and sat down on her bed. She implied for me to sit next to her by patting the empty space with her hand. "Sit," she told me.

When I complied we just stared at each other for a long time. I had no idea what to say. When the silence began to become too much Nessie said, "Sorry."

"Do you love him?" I needed her to answer that question. I didn't know what I would do if she didn't. I didn't know what I would do if she did.

Her eyebrows crinkled together in a confused way. "What?" she asked.

"Do. You. Love. Nahuel?" I was trying not to let my voice crack.

"What? No, no, no, no! I don't love him, I never loved him, I only loved you, don't you get it?" she was becoming hysterical and she grabbed my face with her hand. "I know you don't believe me, but just watch. Please."

_**Pretend you don't see.  
I don't wanna know that you know it should have been me.  
**_

I began seeing the images that she wanted me to see.

_Flash._

The day that Nessie and I first saw Nahuel, the day I was going to tell her that I loved her.

_Flash._

The day that we had a race up that tree on her birthday, right before everything became complicated.

_Flash._

The day she found out about me and Bella, and what never was.

_Flash._

Yesterday when I found her and Nahuel kissing.

I finally understood everything.

"Do you understand now?" she whispered to me. "Do you get it? I'm sorry, okay, I really I am. I'm sorry for being stupid and not thinking about things. I'm sorry that I left you, but I had to. I needed to think these things through. I'm sorry that I didn't get to tell you I loved you before. I'm sorry that I over reacted for no reason. I'm sorry," she kept apologizing to me and I didn't need her to.

I understood.

_**  
Whoa, whoa  
(I'm learning to fall, I can't hardly breathe)  
(I don't wanna know that you know, it should have been me)  
(Tell me that you know, it should have been me)  
**_

"It's okay," I told her. I put my hand on her face and watched her blush. "You don't need to apologize. For anything. Ever."

"But if I could have just explained everything before stupid Nahuel got in the way things would have been so much better! I mean, really! I didn't even like kissing him, and this is just so confusing."

"Don't worry about it. Just don't do it ever again. I promise."

"Don't worry," she grinned, "I won't believe me."

It was amazing how quickly things almost became normal between us again. Almost.

Because there was something unsaid left between us that was just hanging in the air waiting to be said. I couldn't figure out who was going to make the first move.

Evidently neither of us, but I wasn't about to let things go back to the way they were, so I'll say it.

_**  
Whoa, whoa  
(Don't try this at home, pretend you don't see)  
I don't want to know that you know, it should've been me)  
**_

"I love you," I told her, sweetly and quickly, not allowing her to have the first move.

She stared at me in shock. Her eyes brimmed over with tears again, and she laughed as she pushed them away. "I keep crying today," she tells me. She takes a long ragged breath as she looks at me. "I love you too."

That was all that I needed to hear.

_**  
Whoa, whoa  
(I'm learning to fall, I can't hardly breathe)  
(I don't wanna know that you know, it should have been me)  
(Tell me that you know, it should have been me)  
**_

I kissed her, and as I kissed her I began to forget and not to care.

Sure, her parents, the rest of the Cullen's, the pack, and Nahuel were waiting for us out there. But it didn't matter, not anymore.

And that was the way it was going to be from now on.

_The End._

_**  
Whoa, whoa  
(Don't try this at home, pretend you don't see)  
(I don't wanna know that you know, it should've been me)**_

**A/N: So... what did you think? Personally I feel like it sounds a bit forced, but I don't know. I think that it is better than some of the other things I've written, but it is certainly not the best. **

**Anyway, please review and tell me what you thought of it!**

**Love,**

**Dicey**


End file.
